Homemaking Struggles of a Work from Home Wife
To be honest, homemaking can be quite a daunting and mundane task. My normal days normally look like this: Wake-up, start the day, start working from my home office, clean the house, make dinner, clean the kitchen, rinse, and repeat.
Homemaking is not always glamorous and can be monotonous. And if you don’t guard your heart, you can become bitter towards the ones in your house if you feel they are not pulling their weight by helping you.
If you are a work from home wife/mother or a woman with a career, you probably felt the same longing for meaning and the purpose of homemaking. Wondering all too frequently “What is the purpose of this?” or “what is the point in doing any of this if I have to do it again tomorrow?”
If you have ever felt your heart starting to become heavy on contemplating these thoughts, don’t worry, it is totally normal. I sure have wondered this numerous times.
But the good news is, you don’t have to stay in your doom and gloom place. You can switch it around and I am going to show you how you can turn a frown upside down about your homemaking!
My own struggles when it comes to homemaking
I’ve spent my high school days dreaming about becoming a successful architect (I always dreamed about becoming an architect). And becoming a classy woman that knows how to carry herself on high heels on building sites – calling the shots and being a woman that knows her stuff.
So, I applied to university and got accepted into Architect School. I was on my way to becoming that lady I always envisioned myself. In the next four years, I got my B.Tech degree in Architectural Technology.
I started to work for a small firm in 2015 as a contract worker. Working from home because they also didn’t have an office. I loved working from home. Setting my own schedule and meeting my ‘boss’ in coffee shops was really awesome.
Living by myself and having an awesome apartment, I could do just as I pleased, and I loved it! I decorated my space and set my own schedules to make my little space my own. (Sometimes I still miss that little apartment!)
In December of 2016, I got engaged and my boss didn’t mind that I moved back home to save money for the wedding because I was working remotely in anyways.
During 2017, living with my Mom while planning our wedding, I started to long for my own space and couldn’t wait to get married and live with my husband and make our own home beautiful.
We got married in May 2018 and at last, I had my own space again to do as I pleased. But reality set in quick – living with someone else is not always sunshine and roses. Especially if they don’t mind if there are dishes in the sink and the laundry is on the floor – but you are losing your mind over everything that is out of its place!
And working from home is not so glamorous anymore because I struggle to work when my home is in chaos. Every time I look up or go to the bathroom and I see things that are not the way I want it – stresses me out!
But I realized that I will not be able to change my husband and he does not think the way I do.
So I had to let go of some of my control in order to save my sanity. I just realized that I am going to go bonkers if I keep on to the negativity and the anxiousness that his clutter brings sometimes.
I decided that I should focus my negative energy around the things that bother, into things that I can control and change. Such as to implement better systems to store things and better routines.
But it’s an ongoing process. As I am writing this, the house is still not the way I want. There are still things that should be put away. But I have to prioritize between the things that have to get done first and the less important things.
In today’s world, women are expected to wear more hats than ever before. They should be moms and have a career. Or if they are stay-at-home moms, they are expected to have a side hustle and be able to look after the kids and be responsible for the housekeeping. That makes me overwhelmed just thinking about it.
But I believe that homemaking is not supposed to be a mountain of responsibilities, chores, and cleaning.
And if you are a work from home wife/mom, it should not keep you from doing things that are actually more important.
I think that homemaking is an art form. And with any art form, there is a skill involved. The skill is in the name itself – making a home.
Art is supposed to be beautiful, purposeful, and, more than anything, meaningful! And so should your homemaking.
Does Homemaking Matter?
The short answer is – IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!
A homemaker sets the tone in her home. When a homemaker speaks love and attention to detail into her family and home it will create a loving atmosphere in the home.
So when the homemaker is overwhelmed by her house, duties, and responsibility – it will translate into the atmosphere of her home. Creating a stressful environment where no one is happy.
I know it is so true in my home. If I had a stressful day, trying to balance my work and keeping up with the housework and hubby comes home, he immediately notices. Having a stressed-out wife is no fun!
Ultimately, it comes down to mindset.
It is up to you to decide how you approach your daily tasks because they are going nowhere!
I changed my attitude towards my role as a homemaker. I decided to see it as an additional career that I get to do, not that I should do.
Being the maker of the home is a privilege. And there is no one like you. So being grateful for the way you are and how you do things will go along way in protecting and nurturing your own heart.
How To find Joy in your Homemaking
1. Treat Homemaking as your new job
When you treat your role as homemaker as a job, your mindset will change.
Just think about it. If you had to do these mundane tasks for someone else who was paying you. How would you do it? Will you do it quickly just to get it off your plate or would you take your time and do it right?
Try to slow down and treat your homemaking task as though it matters. Because it does!
I went into more detail in this post on how to treat your homemaking as your new career.
2. Be Proud of your Home
This goes hand in hand with treating your homemaking tasks as a job. Yes, you will do the same tasks on repeat almost every single day. But in a normal work environment, you will probably have tasks that you have to do on repeat as well.
Remember the overall impact you are making in your home and on your family – and be proud of your work.
Do everything with excellence, even if no one else sees it, you will. I clean my kitchen at night before bed, because it makes me happy and makes my life easier. I do it for myself, not for my husband, because he does not care if the kitchen is clean or not. (But I am aware that not all men are like mine!)
Try to spend every day making your home a space that you are proud of. Don’t shoot for perfection – because you will set yourself up for failure. Rather focus on making the spaces in your home feel safe and comforting.
3. Re-program negative thoughts
Negative thoughts can quickly take up your whole day if you let it. Especially if some of them goes like this:
- What is the purpose of all of this if I have to do it tomorrow again?
- Does everyone expect me to do everything?
- Why can’t anyone pick up after themselves?
- I cannot be everywhere at the same time!
Even with our best efforts, you still cannot control some of these thoughts sometimes. And even if there is some truth behind them, they will steal your joy. It’s best not to dwell on them because if you do they will grow and make you bitter!
Here are a few things you can do to help you get out of a negative rut quickly:
- You are in control – remember you are in control of your feelings and thoughts. Do not let them control you.
- Recognize your feelings – they are valid, but not helpful
- Immediately do something positive – for instance, reading a few pages of your favorite book, or listening to your favorite music. By doing this it will help you to:
- Re-compose yourself and your thoughts to be more positive and grateful.
Gratefulness is a choice, and sometimes a hard one! Be mindful to not let something so simple steal your joy.
4. Focus on one task at a time
To be a productive homemaker, you should make it a priority to eliminate unnecessary distractions.
Turn off any devices that will distract you like the TV. And maybe put the your phone in another room while you clean.
Try to focus on finishing one task, rather than trying to do all the things at once. You can do it!
For me, classical or jazz music helps me to focus on one task at a time. I find that while cleaning the house or writing a blog post, it keeps my mind from wondering.
5. Create Self-Care Rituals
You cannot pour from an empty cup. So be sure to do things that bring you joy!
For instance, drinking a warm cup of coffee in the early hours of the morning when no one is disturbing you. Or rising early to do things that you want to do, like reading, doing some yoga, praying, will put you in such a good mood!
Do things that will fill your cup! This will go a long way in keeping your heart grateful.
Another awesome tip that I’ve come across is to combine something you like with something you don’t. For example, if you hate cleaning the kitchen, but you love listening to audiobooks. Combine the two!
If you like diffusing your essential oils, do it throughout your day to boost your mood.
If you like baking, bake your favorite cookies and actually take a few minutes to sit down and enjoy them. Don’t just pop them in your mouth while rushing to do the next thing!
Whatever you take joy in, sprinkle it throughout your day to make your homemaking career something you love!
Books that I am reading or that I’ve read that I recommend
Now Over to You!
Now it is your turn to tell me how you might change your homemaking style or things that you would like to incorporate throughout your day! I would love to hear from you!